Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Found the puke drawer
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
