why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
