You can't special order awesome
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
