My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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