Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Non-Jews are for practice
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
