why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
