oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
