Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
