I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
