cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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