oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
