Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
