Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
