Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's blow job season.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
