she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We left the knife in your bed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize