OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
