i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
