I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
