He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
