This is not my ceiling
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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