I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
