The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
