i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
