her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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