we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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