I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
