Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
