So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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