is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
