i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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