apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
