dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
