did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
