I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize