I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
