I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize