He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
