Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
