All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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