either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
