Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
