I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize