It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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