We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Actions speak louder than pants.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
