We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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