I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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