Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
