For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
