Your mouth is God's brothel.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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