; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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