the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
