hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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