allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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