I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
