I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
