Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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