then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
