My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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