Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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