Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
