I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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