I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
