that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
