so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
