I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize