Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
